Confusion,Unhappiness, Breakdown
At 2:51 PM on
Saturday, November 05, 2005
Here is where the confusion comes in.i love my team and all,but right down i am in the winding down mode. i mean my brain is thinking: in 2 more weeks, i can sleep later in, and really rest" and suddenly a bomb blasts right in front of me that i might have to work til end of dec?? i am so tired of this wishy washy actions. want to go., dun want to go.. that was why i was so relieved that everything is settled.But i know where is my senior coming from.
i mean, face it, its not like i ama very important and all, but my team will collapse if i leave. not that i am very capable ahahah but they have facing a severe shortage of pple. initally, there was 5 pple in the team and the team was functioning as we all knew what to do. one left before me and my senior was transferred to do her role, leaving two pple to do recruitment, one was me,M2 and the other called M1.(Our Secret Code).Our company was given a big project and M1 was assigned to handle this baby, leaving me and my operations executive to hadle operations & recruitment(Her) and me for all the smaller companies' accounts.it is too much for 4 pple to handle, especially with me leaving soon.then no one will be handling the small companies' accounts and as you can see, we are having real shortage of pple....
however, i cant bear to see myself just because of resucing the team put myself in a job that i have lost interest in, i really do not have the xin anymore. its real hard to get back that motivation and energy when i am preperaing tomellow down. i know that our team needs someone who is focused and brimming with energy to tide them over, however i cannot muster that out of me at the moment.I am too tired and exhausted to give it my 100%,which is unfair to them and to the company.if i do not give it my 100%, i am letting them and myself down, therefore i have decided with a heavy heart that i will stick to my decision to leave. i feel so guilty leaving them in the lurch and leaving them to fend for themselves.if they make it through, i will be so proud of them, however, it will be nothing of my doing and i will regret that i could not help them.i do not want to deceive myself as well. this is my first job. i cant say for a fact that this is not the job for me,but i do want to try.by staying in this job prevents me from going for interviews and to find what is in the market. what ever the case i need a break, i am so tired of this. i am dragging myself to work and just wishing that the day will come...
Just quarrelled with him and was feeling the blues.. luckily it is over and we emerged stronger..
my stupid photos are not out yet... i am going to call them tomorrow to give hell!
ok going to see how much i can watch of da chang jin before i fall asleep.
will update again... Kisses,
fifteenmay