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At 8:10 PM on Thursday, July 05, 2007

After the euphoria of the previous post, i had to face back to reality, something that have placed me in a damn right foul/gloomy mood.Have been quarelling with Dear this whole week as hearing wedding bells of frens made me want to hear wedding bells of my own. No matter how many times i tell myself that our situation is different from theirs, it doesn feel good to know that the bells for me will only ring in 3 years time. 3 years time.... is a long way to go right? and i am a person, when i want somthing, the itch is there til i relieved it. imagine having this itch for another 3 years. I always thought that if i find the one, the rest would come easily, had always wanted to marry young so that we would have energy to run after our kids.But i forget that we live in the real world, a world where it is harsh and your dreams are so hard to achieve without the money.

But because of this, i am torturing, pushing dear further from me. I dun mean to, but the bitter mood is there and no matter how i try to be positive, its quite hard to lift my spirits up, especially when pple ask me when is mine, i have to bear the fleeing pain in me and grin to reply"3 years more."

Dear has been very patient with me and i think sometimes after we quarrel, he feel like i am forcing him to a corner, and i dun wan to lose him because of this." and hear all the remarks about why so long blah blah....i just have to curb my feelings in regards to this.
i just want to marry the one and start our life together....i hope that dear would not get angry after reading this post.
Thinking back, i shudder at what i have become...Since when i became so desperate to get married? Dear havent even ask me yet, and i am throwing myself at his feet.What have i turned to?Now, the stuff i think about is wedding,hdb etc where is my life? i have lost my dignity.....

"Patience is never my strong point"

Kisses,
fifteenmay

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